I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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