i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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