whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
