it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
