she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
