i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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