Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
not ubering you a puppy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize