We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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