Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
