I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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