Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
