My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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