Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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