: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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