beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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