Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
