i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
