i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
