She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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