why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
