We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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