if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
