hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
