I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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