Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
