It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
