I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
