I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
