remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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