No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
