It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
