he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
