dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
