Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
