OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
