I cannot find my penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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