from now on my penis is your penis
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
