Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
