I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
