But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
