Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
