I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
