is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
