Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
