All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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