my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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