dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
