Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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