Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
