Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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