WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
