she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
