ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
