Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
