It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
