my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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