The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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