you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
