I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dicks are not precious.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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