As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
