Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
