you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
