You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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