He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
