Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
