woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
