dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
