I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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